Is it too late for me and Patricia Arquette?

If it's convenient to you, you can put that out on my arm Pat

According to her Wikipedia page, Patricia Arquette divorced her second husband Thomas Jane in January 2009. While I don’t like to capitalise on the misfortunes of others, this does give me the perfect window of opportunity to marry her myself.

Back in the mid-90s I decided we would be married after watching her as Alabama Whitman in True Romance (a Quentin Tarantino-penned film curiously directed by Tony Scott of Top Gun ‘fame’).

I defy you to watch this film and not fall deeply in love with Alabama. She has this sweet voice, an other-worldly beauty, and ‘tastes like a peach’ as confirmed by Dennis Hopper, who played Alabama’s father-in-law, when he brazenly cops a pash (he lives alone in a trailor, he’d earned it).

Recently I saw her again in Lost Highway, a fucked-up (redundant as an adjective here, I know) David Lynch film. Again, she was amazing. A really intense performance, quite a change from the cutesy-pie of True Romance.

It has come to my attention that she was also in Human Nature, a Charlie Kaufman-written film. With this actor/writer combo, why have I not seen this yet? Maybe because Video Ezy is suspicious of stocking any title that isn’t some sort of American Pie sequel or spin-off, that and I have a huge fine at my high-brow video store.

A couple of nights ago I saw her on Medium, the TV show. I was concerned. She looks tired, world-weary, in desperate need of a man 11 years her junior.

Yes, it’s my time, I’ll ask for her hand. Maybe if I try emailing patty@celebritysingles.com? That really is the best place to start.

Patricia Arquette in True Romance, where it all started for me