I just found a dormant Transformer

I would drape myself in velvet if it were socially acceptable. Bollocks, I'll do it anyway.

Oscar Wilde, famous Victorian-era playwright and dandy, on a visit to the USA not long after the American Civil War, was asked why he thought America was so violent:

“I can tell you exactly why,” he said. “It’s because your wallpaper is so ugly.”

Stephen Fry explores this remark in his excellent podcast series, conjecturing that perhaps Wilde wasn’t just being a bitch:

“If you’re someone who is surrounded by badly made, ugly things, then you think ugly thoughts of yourself and the world; you think ugly thoughts of your whole species. There is nothing for you to do to but to crap in your own nest. It’s what we do when we don’t believe in ourselves.”

I couldn’t agree more with Fry’s interpretation. Walking around Christchurch, checking that the guy who just fell off his own front fence into a fetal position on the pavement in front of me is still breathing, I often reflect on the truth of this sentiment.

I fume at the ugliness of virtually every new building that I see going up in the central city. If something’s being made to be lived in and worked in, at the very least it should be beautiful. We are proud of the buildings of the cultural precinct for a reason, and it isn’t because of their handy proximity to the bus depot.

Why should building gorgeous, impressive buildings be an activity of a bygone era, an extravagance of the past? Why can’t we use great-looking materials and designs for buildings that will occupy important public spaces today?

You might be asking how on earth does all this have anything to do with Transformers. That’s because I’ve come to see that ‘Transformer’ is currently in vogue as the ugly architectural style of choice. And I don’t want to cause a general panic, but I’m pretty sure I’ve discovered a hidden Decepticon on Fitzgerald Ave in Christchurch.

This cunning Transformer clearly thought, screw driving around all day as a reticulated vehicle, or hauling ass through space as a satellite, I’m gonna pose as a new building in Christchurch that is already embarrassingly outdated architecturally.

Just another ugly office block?

Gosh I'm lucky my hard-on for Megan Fox in slow-mo is well hidden by my foundations!