My hairdresser is crazier than Sweeney Todd

Went to the hairdressers on Saturday morning. Got a hairdresser who I think has some sort of anger disorder, perhaps this one:

Intermittent explosive disorder (IED) is a mental disturbance that is characterized by specific episodes of violent and aggressive behavior that may involve harm to others or destruction of property.

Here’s a few snippets of conversation that I can remember. Others I’ve forgotten because I was scared she was about to jam her scissors into my eyeball.

Her: Got any plans for the weekend?

Me: Not really, I’m going to the gym after this.

Her: Which gym?

Me: Les Mills.

Her: Oh I went there once and they ruined my credit rating for 5 years. Bitch, bitch, moan…

Me: How did they ruin your credit rating?

Her: They sent me a bill for $3,000 (impossible – an outrageous exaggeration, perhaps part of her mental disorder). I didn’t pay and they put Baycorp (collection agency) onto me.

Me: (fake smile, feigning interest)

Her: No one showed me how to use the machines (you sit or stand on them and start moving your arms, legs, or both, dipshit), and I had a panic attack, left and never went back. My daughter did the same thing, she doesn’t think they’ll get baycorp onto her though they will.

Me: (thinking – What a psycho. I wonder what her co-workers think of her?)

Her: Ow, that really hurts! I stabbed my comb into the bit where the nail starts on my finger (she dangles her hand in front of my face so I can see too).

I hate it when things like that happen, it really makes me want to kill someone (she actually fucking said that) I hate the little pains, they’re so much more annoying than the big pains, and I’ve had some horrific injuries in my time: broken back, exploded eyeball (she actually said that too, along with other made up stuff – all incredible and all lies), blah, blah…

Me: (At this point I’m quite worried for my safety, making noises of agreement to humour her, fearing for my eyes, ears and throat)

Her: Is it just me or is it too hot in here? I stand right under the fan and I hate it.

I used to get free trips to Gold Coast – my dad paid for it all, right up into my late 20s (loser).

I don’t vote any more since they brought MMP in. I hate idiots who vote – Paul Henry says there should be an IQ test for voters. He’s right – the idiots don’t know anything. Just a big bunch of idiots us New Zealanders…

Me: (All smiles and bustling to get out the door)

So I got out in one piece and she’d actually done a good job, shame I can never go back again.

My previous Saturday morning hairdresser had been still pissed from the night before, but that’s another story…